My theme for 2012 is self-love through self-care.
Over the past few months, it’s become more and more clear to me that my tendency to push, to cram more in, to get more done, to learn more, to hurry up and get “there”, does not serve me. And yet, as a mom to a toddler, not cramming something in to every toddler-free moment can sometimes feel like a waste of precious time.
I started slowing down last year after taking a sweet, 5 day online course on self-care. We had daily 10-15 minute assignments. I was chugging right along, pleased with my progress until we were told to meditate. Just sit and meditate for 15 minutes. I procrastinated. I had so much to do, I was too busy to meditate. Nap time was totally unpredictable. I might only get 15 minutes of time and to “waste” that time meditating seemed ridiculous. I kept thinking “do you know how much you could get done in 15 minutes?!?” Didn’t sitting quietly at the table with my clients count as some kind of quasi meditation?
I finally did it, just so I could cross it off my To Do list. And then I was supposed to do it for the next 2 days, until the end of the course. I sighed, muttered, but I it. And something shifted by the 3rd day. I stopped wondering “is it over yet?!” and my brain stopped with the “and don’t forget, when you’re done you need to do _____”.
I soaked in the quiet. I felt calmer. I felt more peaceful about all of the things that weren’t going to get crossed off my To Do list. I could navigate unpredictable toddler naps with more flexibility.
As I continue to meditate, I feel nurtured and supported. I feel how helpful it is for my body, this slowing down and making time for me. Insights bubble to the surface during this time, new awareness, new noticings, new perspective.
I now have a mostly daily self-care routine that I practice. I take the time to nurture myself first as often as possible. Ideally this means I go to bed early enough that I wake up before my munchkin and have this time to myself. Sometimes this works and sometimes an unexpected cough wakes the munchkin at 6:15am and flexibility is needed.
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From this return to self-care, nurturing and creating space, grew the realization that one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves as CST practitioners, as people who hold space for others’ healing to surface and emerge, is the gift of filling our own well.
Having a full well is more than just avoiding burnout. It’s about being connected to a source, about being replenished and filled up. There’s a difference between merely keeping the ground damp and having a robust, full well, just like there’s a difference between having a pulse and being fully alive and thriving. I want a full well. I want to thrive.
I’m now on a journey to see just how much can I fill my well. What’s it like to be with my clients from a place of feeling really nurtured and supported and at ease? What has more freedom to surface and emerge as a result?
Over on Facebook, we talked about big work requiring big support – in essence a full well. People shared their sources of support and some great ideas came out of it.
• Prayer
• Go to the gym
• Healthy food
• Sleep
• Sun
• Swimming
• Walks
• Parties with friends
• Fiber arts (spinning, weaving, felting, knitting)
• Rebounding
• Being in the still quiet
• Water
• Great friends
• Time alone
• Naturopath
• Noticing miracles
• Receiving craniosacral/massage/bodywork
• T’ai chi
• Long soaks in the tub
• Setting boundaries
• Being kind to oneself
• Living authentically
• Continuing education
Having a full well isn’t about having more to give.
Having a full well is about deeply caring for yourself.
It’s about being able to engage more fully and more deeply, it’s about clarity, and boundaries that are healthy and established, it’s about knowing what you need and what no longer serves you, it’s about being conscious and mindful and curious. It’s about not knowing it all and being ok with that. It’s about honoring the mystery and honoring all of who you are. It’s about serving vs. fixing. It’s about trusting others to find their way and trusting yourself to find yours.
What is it like to interact with Life from this place?
How do you fill your well? Will you make time for the filling?
