On the Anatomy Conversations’ Facebook page, a question was asked about how to avoid taking on other people’s “stuff” during a session. Some really wonderful, helpful suggestions were made and I want to add my thoughts here for you. Here’s a story to get us started.
A couple was enjoying a beautiful day sailing the ocean with their 2 small children until one of the children fell overboard. Mom jumped overboard to help rescue the child. Dad also jumped overboard.
The remaining small child was left alone on the boat, sailing into the distance.
I read this story in the newspaper years ago. Since I don’t remember otherwise, I think it’s safe to assume it had a happy ending. However, the details of both parents jumping overboard stuck with me. The story has become a powerful metaphor for me about our work with clients and a reminder of what not to do.
You will inevitably be faced with taking on people’s “stuff” during your craniosacral career. Yes, there are things you can do to clear your energy, stay grounded and protect yourself, and it’s also critical that you remember your role in your client’s journey. It is not your job to “fix” your client.
I know you know that, at least intellectually, but because it’s so important to you to do really good work, you can be vulnerable to taking on more than your fair share of responsibility and that’s when you jump overboard with your client.
There are clients who tug at your heart strings. There are situations that you wish you had a magic wand for, heartbreaking suffering you will witness that you wish no one had to endure.
The child shaken so hard as an infant she has permanent brain damage.
The 13 year old with an inoperable brain tumor who says she is ready to die.
The man who bangs his head to distract himself from the pain of his cluster headaches.
The ritual abuse survivor.
This when you most need to stay on the boat. Staying on board allows you to throw a lifesaver for your client to grab on to. Staying on board allows your client to find her way on her journey, however that may unfold. If you jump overboard, the boat goes sailing off into the distance and you cannot provide the help that is truly needed.
Click Image for Photo Credit
When you come to the table believing that your client’s healing depends on you, you jump overboard.
The pressure you put on yourself to fix or heal a client creates a roadblock on your client’s healing journey. Her body senses your agenda, however well intentioned. Agendas are distracting. They take you out of the natural flow of a session. They create static in the conversation you’re having with the body. They get in the way of you being full present to the information you’re receiving and they interfere with your ability to respond to that information. It’s also oh-so-easy to get lost and sucked into the spiral of doubt and questioning when you’re chasing after the problem.
The good news is, every client you work with gives you the opportunity to practice not jumping overboard. The more you practice, the less likely you are to jump overboard when it is most tempting.
You are most vulnerable to jumping overboard in these 2 situations:
1. you doubt your abilities and are seeking reassurance of your own worth, your own value from your client’s results
You will have times of doubt, times of questioning your skills and second guessing what you’re feeling. It is not your client’s job to provide you with reassurance that you are a good, skilled craniosacral therapist (and therefore a worthy human being).
2. you lose trust that everything, even the messiest, most heartbreaking, senseless situation, is unfolding as it should even when you can see no good reason why
When you are depleted or have lost trust that your own life is unfolding as it should, you are most vulnerable to this. Boundaries blur and you become overly attached to a particular outcome. Yes, you want good things for your clients. You want them to have relief, to feel better and yet you really can’t control whether or not that happens. The best you can do is bring your best skills and most grounded, centered self to the table.
Remember, we are designed to move towards healing no matter what the situation. We are incredibly resourceful. (And yes, healing can, and does, include death). Trust that your client is capable of finding her way.
What else can you do to prevent man/woman overboard? Take good care of yourself, keep your own fuel tank replenished.
- get enough sleep
- eat well
- take time for yourself
- move
- know your stuff
- get support when your stuff is surfacing or being triggered
- get on the table and receive work
No, this isn’t about being perfect. Yes, you can still do good work if your sleep is interrupted or not enough or you happen to overindulge in chocolate chip cookies or you can’t remember the last time you had time to yourself or you’re in the midst of traveling the land of grief. However, the more depleted your resources are, the more vulnerable you are to jumping overboard and that isn’t good for anyone.
You’re the only one of you there is.
You are valuable.
Your work is needed.
Take good care of yourself.
Share in the comments below how you take care of yourself and avoid jumping overboard. Your input is invaluable and oh-so-helpful to your fellow therapists in the community here.
much love,
P.S. Know another therapist who needs to read this? Share the love and email, tweet, Facebook or Google+ it. The world needs more therapists on board 
